We maintain our cars, homes, health, and relationships. We put time and energy into things that are important to us.
What are you doing right now to maintain your marriage?
The marriage relationship isn’t one that survives well on autopilot. If left on the back burner for long, it will grow cold and stale.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life. The ins and outs of day to day responsibilities can leave us exhausted and just going through the motions. One day after another. The ones in our homes that are closest to us usually get the worst of us, rather than us being intentional on them getting our best.
We tend to think that our spouse doesn’t need us. Especially not to the degree the children do. In reality, they do, just in different ways.
Don’t wait until your marriage is struggling before you give it any attention. Maintaining your marriage doesn’t have to be hard or expensive, just intentional.
I’ll be honest, my husband and I do not have regularly scheduled date nights. In general, we function as a family. There’s not much we do that can’t or doesn’t involve our kids. They just go with us and we do what needs to be done. It’s always been that way for us.
However, we do take time for date night occasionally. Our biggest thing is that we go on a marriage retreat every year with our church. If it’s offered, we go. My husband will move heaven and earth to make it happen. It’s a priority for us. It’s usually a Friday evening and Saturday morning out of town without the kids. We get biblical instruction and encouragement, fellowship with other married couples in our church, and time alone together. We usually go a day early so we get Thursday evening and all of Friday together.
Maintaining our marriage on a day to day basis may be something as simple as picking up my husbands favorite snack or ice cream while I’m at the store, making a pan of brownies just because he likes them, or writing him a little note to see in the morning before work. He’s been known to randomly bring me dark chocolate candy just because he saw it and knew I’d like it, or grab some doughnuts and chocolate milk on his way home to share with me after work.
It really is the little things that make a big difference. These are the things you and your children will remember. These are the things they see bringing a smile to your face, causing you to kiss each other again. These are the things they’ll do in their marriage one day.
It seems that we forget that being a good spouse is also being a good parent. However, being a good parent isn’t always being a good spouse. Devoting all of your time and attention to your children isn’t healthy or beneficial to your marriage. Our children must see us being purposeful in our marriage.
One day, the children will move out. The house will be clean and quiet (hallelujah!). When you’re having breakfast or drinking coffee, you don’t want to find yourself looking across the table at your spouse asking, “who are you?” I hope you desire for those years to be spent hand in hand together. Putting all of your time and energy into your children will leave you with distance and unfamiliarity with your spouse. As a parent, the goal really is to work ourselves out a job, isn’t it? The goal is for them to leave home and have their own family. Hopefully you’ll be spending those retirement years with your spouse, still in love, and closer than ever.
We make time for what’s important.
Is your marriage on that list?
With Hope in His Service
Heather
Proverbs_31Life 