Proverbs 18:22 says, “Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.”
Does this mean a man can’t be favored or blessed by God before marriage? Not at all. We see over and over in Scripture that men are blessed and used by God before and after marriage, not just during.
But today, I’d like to focus on what this means for women.
Notice the wording here. “Whoso findeth a wife.” Not “whoso gets married.” You can be a wife before you get married.
You’re probably thinking I am crazy and wondering how that even works.
This is dealing with the qualities of being a wife. We should all seek to be “marriageable”. (Is that a word? I don’t even know. But, you get it.)
There are some things that you simply will not know, learn, or do until you are married. But in the meantime, we should use the Bible as our guide to being godly women.
You and I see women all the time that are not godly, yet they want a good godly man. Of course, those men are desirable. But we will never attract that if we are not being godly women. I also want to add that many godly people just don’t get married. God’s will is different for all of us and marriage is not his will for everyone.
What are some qualities and characteristics you think a wife should have? What do you see displayed in other women that you like to be around?
In today’s world of toxic femininity and entitlement, we expect people to like and accept us no matter how we are just because we are female and that is simply not acceptable. We expect this from others, yet are quick to cut someone out of our lives because of their behavior. It works both ways. Scripture says, “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly.” (Proverbs 18:24)
Scripture gives us many attributes for us as women to seek after. All of these are attainable through Christ. We must be in the Word to know what He says, spend time in prayer asking for His help, and be filled with the Spirit, submitting to Him.
That is where I want to start: Be filled with the Spirit. Ephesians 5:18, “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit;”
So many problems would be solved if we were filled with the Spirit and letting Him lead us! If you are saved, you have the Holy Spirit of God living inside of you. This concept of being filed is not like filling a cup, where you only get so much in at one time. Rather it is like wind filling a sail. The wind is there, blowing, but if the sail is not up, the wind cannot move the boat. The same is true for us. We have to have our spiritual sails up. We have to be in prayer and willing to listen to the Spirit. When He pricks our heart, we must be ready and willing to obey.
Continuing in Ephesians 5, if we are filled with the Spirit, we will speak to ourselves in psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs (verse19). You won’t do this if you are only listening to worldly music! Godly music changes our attitude and mood while putting Scripture or scriptural principles in our hearts. Friend, this world will not direct your heart and mind to the things of God, to things that encourage and give you hope. YOU have to do this yourself and it must be done intentionally.
The next thing we see is that this leads to thankfulness (verse 20). All too often we are discontent. We complain about the news, weather, our spouse, or something we see on social media. No wonder we are not happy! We need to train ourselves to find the good and not only be thankful, but praise God for it.
Everyday there is something to be thankful for. Start a journal and write in it, even if all you had was just one thing.
Being thankful, finding your joy in God and His Word, and being able to go to Scripture on your own will help you in MANY situations, including when you’re a wife. Learning this now is a beauty that is attractive to others. This attracts the type of friends and husband I hope you want to have.
I firmly believe when we have verses 18-20 right, 21-33 are easier. We will fail at times because we are still human. But when we seek to be Spirit-filled, we will seek to please our Father, which leads to being a blessing to others. What a sweet spirit this brings to our lives!
Titus 2 is a portion I have covered in previous posts, but this also gives us attributes we should have. These are holy attributes.
-Not false accusers.
-Not given to much wine.
-Teachers of good things. You cannot teach things that you don’t know or model.
-Teaching other women to:
Be sober (not filled with wine as we read in Ephesians 5:18, but also vigilant, aware, watchful.)
To love their husbands.
To love their children.
To be discreet.
To be chaste.
To be keepers at home.
To be obedient to their own husbands.
Why are these attributes important? Because they are holy and keep the Word of God from being blasphemed.
We also have Proverbs 31. We see this woman was virtuous, trustworthy, physically fit, God-fearing, wise, kind, submissive, prepared, rewarded, loveable, purposeful, productive, prudent, honorable, and unselfish.
Ruth is another example. Scholars say that Ruth came after Proverbs in the Hebrew Bible, and believe that Ruth was the woman described here.
1 Timothy 3:11 tells us the wives of pastors and deacons must be grave, not slanderers, sober, and faithful. If they aren’t, their husbands cannot hold these offices.
1 Peter 3:1-2 give a promise to wives that have lost or backslidden husbands. They can be won by the godly lifestyle of the wife. THIS is the influence we have, ladies!
Verses 3-6 tell us the importance of having a meek and quiet spirit, trusting God, and submitting to our husbands. These are of great price to God!
All of these attributes are godly and valuable. They don’t all come naturally to all of us. Some things are truly a struggle to learn. Especially for new Christians, those of you that have been hurt, or those of you that didn’t grow up in church or in a godly home.
Please hear me. I understand those things. But I also know what the Lord says we could and should be. I KNOW there are blessings from God when we seek to live how He wants us to. I have seen it. I have lived it. These attributes will not be perfected in us overnight. It is growth, and growth is a process. Give yourself grace.
Quickly, let’s look at the opposites of these attributes.
Bossy, demanding, selfish, rude, unloveable, lazy, impatient, unfaithful, argumentative, lying, gossipping, drunk, offensive, and manipulative. Every negative thing you could think of is the opposite of the godly attributes given to us. Would you want to be friends with a woman like that? Would you want to live with her? Be married to her? Probably not. And neither does anyone else.
You will not supernaturally gain these godly attributes on your wedding day. You will not get these bestowed on you just because you are a wife. If you do not have or seek to have these attributes now, chances are you won’t after marriage either. Just as women want to marry a man that they don’t have to”fix” or “raise”, men don’t want a woman they have to fix or raise, either.
So, how do we do this? Prayer, Bible reading, and being teachable. You must listen to the advice given to you from other godly women and from preachers and other teachers in your life.
This will require changes in your thinking and routine. You cannot be “too busy” for church, prayer, and Bible reading. Neglecting your spiritual health will result in no spiritual growth or change.
This will require a change in your thinking. Being negative and pessimistic will not lead to joy and contentment and praise.
Philipians 4:8 says, “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
“Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. Quench not the Spirit.” 1 Thessalonians 5:17-19 KJV
“I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.” Philippians 4:13 KJV
God loves you. He wants to help you. He wants to bless you. Will you trust Him enough to be the woman He wants you to be?
Stay in the Word, Stay close to the Shepherd, and let Him lead you in paths of righteousness.
With Hope in His Service,
Heather
Proverbs_31Life 