One Size Doesn’t Fit All

Did you know that being a helpmeet isn’t a one size fits all type of command? What works for you may not work for my marriage. And guess what? That’s okay, sis! Wanna know why? First, we serve the same God! Hallelujah!  And He is an equipping God!

 He meets us where we are. And as James said, if we ask for wisdom, God will give it (James 1:5). Secondly, God made YOU for your husband. No one else. We can, and should, share tips and ideas to strengthen one another. The Bible says we are to provoke one another to love and good works (Hebrews 10:24). Titus 2:3-5 says to teach the younger wives. We are to share what wisdom and experience we have! But that doesn’t mean I have to be just like you in order to be a godly woman or have a godly marriage! Praise God for that! Because I am not you. And you are not me. God made us unique to fulfill His will for our lives! I can’t fulfill your role and you can’t fulfill mine. But we can encourage one another along the way!

I personally struggle when another lady comes to me and asks, “what does it mean to be a helpmeet. What am I supposed to do?” I want to help. I do. But I don’t have a complete answer for that. I have the Bible. That’s where we should always go. So let’s take a look at what God says about this matter. 

The first time we see this term used is in Genesis. “And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” ‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2:18‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Eve was to be a companion to Adam. For the first time in all if creation God says something isn’t good. Man was alone. I don’t know about you but I can shout a big “amen!” here! My husband is capable of many things. But they just seem to function better with a helpmeet. We will get into more if that shortly. We also see Eve was made for Adam. God didn’t make many women and give them all to Adam to have his pick. God made one woman for one man. This is God’s design. Her role was to Adam. Not any and every man that would be created. Dear wife, the same is true for you. You are to be a helpmeet to your husband only. No one else can rightfully fill this role! This is an honor, not a burden! 

Help meet is defined by today’s dictionary as “a helpful partner or companion, especially to one’s spouse.” Being helpful is a very broad responsibility. What is helpful to your husband today may not be tomorrow. He won’t need help with the same things every day. 

Some things we should do help them every day are:

-Pray. There is not a day that goes by when your husband doesn’t need your prayers. My husband’s job has safety risks. I make sure to pray for his physical safety daily. There are many things you can pray for as well. Wisdom in his job and as he leads your family. Godly influences. Favor at work and church. Safety. Purity. Protection from Satan’s temptations. Spiritual growth. And much much more. As you begin to pray, God will show you more things. Remember, you are not praying so that your husband becomes what you want him to be, but so he is the man God wants him to be. 

-Encourage. You should always encourage him. Encourage him to be the man God wants him to be, to be the spiritual leader of your home. Tell him he’s a great dad, husband, leader, employee, etc. He needs to know that you believe in him and support him. Let him know you are praying for him. Our husbands face pressures that we may never know about. Keep him covered in prayer and in encouragement. 

Do not be afraid to ask him what you could do to be a better help meet. You can’t do what he needs if you don’t know he needs it! 

If you are not talented in the kitchen and your husband is, being his help meet could be something as simple as not cooking so you don’t burn down the house. You can help with prep and dishes instead ;). 

My husband is my Mr. Fix It. He works on everything. One way I get to be his help meet is by helping him outside with his projects. It may be physically helping repair something, just handing him tools, or just sitting there and keeping him company. He also works during the day as an HVAC tech with a somewhat irregular schedule. Another way I get to be his help meet is by handling things at home such as bills, groceries, and errands. 

Think of it like this: anything you can do to make his life easier. Taking things off of his plate. 

It really is that simple, and this is why it’s different for each of us. 

The Bible gives us verses that I believe support this simple thought.

Proverbs 19:13 says “A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.”

Proverbs 21:9 says “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”

Proverbs 21:19 “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”

I hope you choose to compliment his life rather than complicate it. 

Proverbs 31:12 “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”

Now, let’s jump to 1 Timothy 3:11. Paul is writing to Timothy and is giving the requirements for a man to be a pastor or a deacon. And right here, in the middle, he speaks of wives. Verse 11 says “Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things.” 

If you are not a godly wife, your husband cannot rightfully accept the position of a deacon if it is offered to him. That’s a pretty big deal. You really do affect your husband’s ministry! 

Even if your husband is not called to be a pastor, assistant pastor, or deacon, you still affect his ministry. 

Remember my husband is Mr. Fix It? He works at the church a lot, too. And it’s very common that we are together. This is not a surprise to anyone around us. It shouldn’t be uncommon for you to be with your husband when you have the opportunity to do so!

I encourage you to look at other godly marriages. Learn from them. Ask other women questions, most are happy to help you learn and grow. It does not matter how long you have been married, there is always room for growth! Pray. Pray for your role as a help meet. God will equip you for this if you will let Him. Ask your husband what he may need from you and be intentional on meeting those requests. Seek to compliment his life. 

While there are things to learn from others, do not compare yourself to them. What works for them may not work for you, your marriage is different from theirs. Just because you are not out in the garage with your husband like I am does not make you a less godly wife, nor does it make me a more godly wife. Seek God’s specific design for your marriage. 

With Hope in His Service,

Heather