This is something we all have either said, thought, or heard. I find that this phrase is heard most often from women, especially mothers. Being a mom is hard, isn’t it? Of course, we love our children, but some days can just be so challenging. Whether you are a woman who works outside of the home, a stay at home mom, or a combination of the two, having a moment to yourself to gather your thoughts and search for another ounce of patience is necessary. I do not think this is an entirely negative concept. However, I do think some of the world’s philosophy on this is negative, and it’s one we often find ourselves adopting into our lives.
I would like to share some simple thoughts with you, to help you find a new and healthier perspective on this.
There are times we become overwhelmed and exhausted. We are only human. It is not a sin to be tired and at the end of your rope. How we handle these situations is what matters to the Lord. We are to do ALL things to His honor and glory. Even in our exhaustion, we can please Him with our words, actions, and thoughts.
The world says that we deserve and need breaks from our children, time spent away from home without them. Can this be helpful on occasion? Sure it can. (I am all for date night with my husband!) The issue with that statement is the little word “deserve”. This shows a sense of entitlement. Speaking from a biblical standpoint, we do not deserve the children, spouse, or any of the other blessings that we have. We deserve Hell because of the sins we have committed against a holy God. If we feel entitled to this time alone, we begin to keep close tabs on how often we are able to have it. After all, why wouldn’t we make sure we get what we think we deserve? When we don’t get it as often as we think we should, we become bitter and discontent. We lose the joy we should have in our day to day lives.
Mark 1:35 gives us a great example, “And in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed.” Jesus took time away from the crowds and disciples to pray and spend time with His Father. Is this what our alone time looks like? Spending time with God? Or do we only focus on temporal pleasures such as getting our nails done and grabbing a coffee? Hear me out here. These things in and of themselves ARE NOT sinful. If someone asks me for a coffee date, lunch, or a salon trip, I am all for it. Honestly, my children are with me about 95% of the time I go out for things like this. (Turns out stay at home moms have the same schedule. Ha!) These are okay in moderation. These things become a problem when we choose to make them our focus.
We must recharge and be fueled by something that has true value and sustenance.
When we feel overwhelmed and unable to recharge, one reason may be our priorities. How do you spend your time? You may feel like you don’t have time to have personal devotions and prayer. May I challenge you to take an inventory of your day right now? How much time have you spent watching television, scrolling through social media, or texting? If you have an iPhone, you can actually see the time spent thanks to the screen time setting and weekly report. (Thanks Apple for that harsh slap of reality.) A simple way to begin working on this is by setting a time limit for these things. Only allow so much time each day to be spent on your phone. Use the downtime setting to make everything start up and shut down at certain times of the day. We do not have a need to be on social media for hours a day. It is a want and a habit that CAN be changed.
Another area to consider would be the things we do for ourselves and tasks that we have to do for others. I fear that we aren’t adequately taught to do life with our children, and they are viewed as a hindrance and an inconvenience.
If you serve in some capacity at your local church, I want to say that is WONDERFUL. Please keep it up. Take your children with you. Serve as a family. It may take longer with them trying to help clean a bathroom, vacuum a floor, or set out the choir music for Sunday, but that is okay! You can even take them soul winning with you! We must stop living in fast forward. Live in the present. Psalm 90:12 instructs “So teach us to number our days, that we may apply our hearts unto wisdom.” God is not worried about tomorrow, and commands us to do the same, as told in Matthew 6:34 “Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” Again in James 4:14-15 “Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time and then vanisheth away. For that ye ought to say, If the Lord will, we shall live, and do this, or that.” We are to teach and train our children for the Lord. Deuteronomy 11:18-19 “Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest in the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.” The word of God should be apart of our lives and should be taught to our children. The love and knowledge of God and ministry will not just appear in their lives. We must set that example. They have to see us living this out in front of them. Your children will not see it if they are left at home or with a babysitter while you go and complete these tasks.
If you are having a rough day and feel like you need to get out of the house and grab that coffee, take them with you. It’s okay for them to see that you need a break and a change of scenery. Most children will calm down, or even fall asleep in the car. My kids love when I say I’m going to get coffee. My youngest wants a smoothie and my oldest wants a pumpkin spice hot chocolate or milkshake. They enjoy the coffee trip as much as I do. We have a weekly stop scheduled that we all look forward to.
Recognize the situations that cause you to feel overwhelmed and stressed out and try to avoid them. I understand this is not always possible. This takes being intentional and consistent. It could be an activity your children are participating in or a friendship you are involved in. You are called to have a walk and relationship with Jesus, your husband, your children, and then others. I guarantee you, if these priorities are out of place, everything will be affected, including your stress levels.
God did not give those babies to you to make you miserable and exhausted. Children are a blessing from the Lord. Psalm 127:3 “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”
Think of the relationships you are investing in. Are you spending hours on the phone? Whether it’s calls, texts, or social media, who are you talking to? You are choosing to build relationships with someone. Make sure the Lord and the ones in your home are the primary investments.
Women who work outside of the home have a lot on their plate. Work, the home, dinner, homework, ministry, and the list goes on. You may be drained before you get home, feeling like you don’t have a chance to give anything to your husband or children. May I suggest taking the opportunity on your drive home after work to spend that time with the Lord? Turn on godly music, praise Him, and ask Him to help you have a productive evening with your family, to have the strength and energy to love on them.
Do not feel guilty asking God for help with this! This does not make you a bad wife or mother. We must stop telling ourselves and others that we must be superwoman all the time.
Identify what it is you are seeking during this “me time” you desire. Is it quiet? Is it getting out of the house? Maybe its adult interaction? Ask the Lord and your husband how you can achieve this in a practical way.
For me, church plays a huge role in this. I love being at church. My children go to their classes. I am able to have adult interaction, dedicated time to worship, and enjoy biblical preaching. Wednesday nights are probably my favorite services, so if you currently do not attend mid-week church services, I highly recommend that you start. Church is the only “break” I get from my kids. We home school. We are always together. So, I promise that I do understand the frustration levels that are possible. I have been on both sides of this. I have worked outside of the home in the secular workplace, I have worked in ministry, I have worked a very special job outside of my home where I took my children with me so I could still do their schooling at work. I feel you. I am not judging or belittling anyone. I am simply hoping to help and share things I have learned in my own life.
Do not live from break to break. Do not simply look to the future to your next alone time opportunity. Your job, your home, your marriage, and your children are not just responsibilities to deal with and rush through so you can get them done and enjoy life without them. Enjoy life in the midst of them.
This takes intentionality, shifting your mindset, getting into your Bible, and breaking some deep rooted habits. We must stop looking to the world for the image of our homes and lives. The world was never meant to be the standard of acceptance for the Christian.
How can we change our focus and mindset in the day to day life?
We are so busy that we can barely think straight or make the time to sit down for 5 minutes. Some simple applications can be to have godly music on in the car and at home. A simple command from God is to make a joyful noise unto Him and to praise Him. Psalm 98:4 tells us “Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise.” Some of us just need to start rejoicing again!
When we obey Him, He brings peace to our hearts like we have never experienced before.
Start your day with the Bible and prayer, (go ahead and grab that coffee). Focusing on Him and learning truths from His Word will help set the tone for your day. Again, this is pleasing to Him.
Pray with your children and do age appropriate devotions with them. Teaching them the principles of God’s Word will change their lives, too. This begins a foundation of good habits for their lives. Intentionally putting God in your day will change things.
If your conversations consist of complaints and gossip, you must stop this. You have to control you speech. Matthew 12:34 clearly states “O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.” 2 Corinthians 10:5 “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;”
Psalm 141:3 “Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.” It is okay to pray for God’s help in these areas.
God cares very much about our thoughts and our speech.
The world tells us we need ‘girl time’. We are always hearing how girl’s night out is so fun and refreshing. Again, occasionally this is okay. However, may I remind you that you are one flesh with your husband. God did not give that connection to anyone else. Your husband should be you closest friend. Spend time with him. Get involved and interested in his hobbies. Do not spend more time with your friends than you do with your spouse.
We must stop looking at our home life as something we need a break from. Being a wife and mother is NOT stopping you from enjoying life. What is that phrase we see flooding social media? “Living my best life”? Your best life is not being alone and free to do whatever you want. You were created to worship the Lord and He has given you this life. Make it count for eternity and stop living only for earthly pleasures. Let God be your joy and satisfaction.
Our homes are a blessing. We must change our perspective to see the joy in the everyday tasks. It is vital to be content with the life you have.
Philippians 4:11 Paul writes “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” We can be content in any season of life.
1 Thessalonians 5:18 “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.” I don’t know about you, but I want to live in the will of God.
Psalm 118:24 “This is the day which the LORD hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it.”
“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”-Proverbs 14:1
The influence and tone you set in your home is a contagious one. It will affect everyone. If you are discontent with your responsibilities, everyone will see it.
“A false balance is abomination to the LORD: but a just weight is his delight.” -Proverbs 11:1 Be careful to keep a right balance before the LORD. He cares about every aspect of your life, don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask Him for help in these areas.
With Hope in His Service
Heather
Proverbs_31Life 